The legal documents every aging parent needs
Durable power of attorney, health care proxy, living will, HIPAA release and a will: what each does for an aging parent and how to get them signed.
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Most families haven't done this yet. A 2025 Caring.com survey found that only about a quarter of U.S. adults have a will. The legal documents an aging parent needs are fewer and simpler than people expect, though, and getting them signed is usually a few conversations and a short stack of forms.
The goal is plain: if your mother or father can't speak for themselves, the right person is legally allowed to step in, for their health and for their money. Here is what each document does, the trap that tends to come with it, and how to start.
Start with a conversation
These documents only work if they say what your parent actually wants, so begin by asking while they can tell you. Choose an ordinary afternoon, not a hospital waiting room. It helps to make it mutual: "I'm finally doing my own paperwork. Can we do yours at the same time?" goes over better than arriving with a binder.
Your parent decides who speaks for them and what they want. Your job is to make it easy. If there are siblings, try to have the first talk together so no one feels left out later. And keep it short. The aim of the first conversation is to make the subject normal, not to finish.
The five documents at a glance
Nearly every document answers one of two questions. If your parent can't make medical decisions, who does, and what do they know about your parent's wishes? If your parent can't manage money, who pays the bills?
| Document | What it does | When it works |
|---|---|---|
| Durable power of attorney | Names an agent for bills, bank accounts, property and taxes | During life, including after incapacity |
| Health care proxy | Names an agent for medical decisions | When your parent can't decide for themselves |
| Living will | Records wishes about life-sustaining treatment | When your parent can't speak for themselves |
| HIPAA authorization | Lists the people doctors may talk to | As soon as it's signed |
| Will | Says who inherits property and names an executor | After death |
Durable power of attorney for finances
This is the most useful document on the list, and the one families most often discover they needed when it's too late. It names an agent to handle money: paying bills, talking to the bank, filing taxes, even selling a house if it comes to that.
The important word is durable. Under older rules, a power of attorney ended the moment the person who signed it lost capacity, which is exactly when the family needs it. Many states now treat powers of attorney as durable unless they say otherwise, but the document should still say so plainly. Without one, even the most devoted daughter can't step in: the bank won't talk to her, and the way through is a court guardianship, which is slow, public and expensive. Our guide to power of attorney for an elderly parent goes deeper.
The health care proxy
The medical counterpart goes by several names: health care proxy, health care power of attorney, health care agent. New Jersey calls the person a health care representative, and Florida calls them a health care surrogate. Whatever the name, it names someone to make medical decisions when your parent can't, in exactly the situations no one can plan for, like a stroke.
Choosing the person matters more than the form. Pick someone who knows your parent's values, stays steady in a crisis and will follow your parent's wishes even when they'd choose differently. Name a backup. Then make sure the proxy knows they've been chosen and has heard, in your parent's own words, what they'd want.
The living will
A living will is where your parent writes down what they do and don't want when treatment would mainly prolong life: breathing machines, feeding tubes, CPR. It isn't giving up. It spares the people who love them from guessing. Only about one in three U.S. adults has any advance directive, according to a 2017 review in Health Affairs.
A living will records wishes but doesn't name anyone, so it works best alongside a health care proxy. The living will says what your parent wants; the proxy handles everything the document couldn't foresee. If your parent is seriously ill, ask their doctor about a POLST, a medical order form that New Jersey and many other states use to turn those wishes into instructions emergency crews follow.
Living will or advance directive?
Families get tangled here, so plainly: "advance directive" is an umbrella term. A living will is one kind of advance directive, and a health care power of attorney is another, as the National Institute on Aging explains. Many states combine both in one form.
The forms are state-specific. In New Jersey, the Department of Health publishes free forms for a proxy directive, which names a health care representative, and an instruction directive, which records wishes, and the two can be combined. A parent who has moved, or splits the year between New Jersey and Florida, should ask whether their documents need refreshing.
The HIPAA release almost everyone forgets
Federal privacy law keeps doctors from sharing health information without permission, so an adult child at the front desk can be told nothing. A HIPAA authorization, signed ahead of time, lists the people your parent's doctors may talk to. It takes five minutes and saves you from being kept in the dark about your own mother's care.
A will, and the forms that outrank it
A will says who receives your parent's property and names an executor to carry it out. Without one, state law decides who inherits and a court appoints someone to settle the estate.
One surprise: a will doesn't control everything. Retirement accounts, life insurance and payable-on-death bank accounts go to whoever is named on their beneficiary forms, whatever the will says. An ex-spouse or a sibling who has since died can still be listed. Checking those forms is one of the most valuable afternoons a family can spend. Some families also use a living trust to avoid probate; whether it's worth the cost is a question for an attorney.
Keep it where someone can find it
Signed documents no one can find are barely better than none. The NIA's checklist for getting your affairs in order starts there: keep important papers in one place and make sure a trusted person knows where. A labeled binder at home works. A safe deposit box works only if someone besides your parent can open it. Give copies of the health care documents to the proxy, the primary doctor and the hospital your parent would go to, so they're on file before an emergency.
Everyday help at home makes this easier. A companion caregiver who is part of your parent's week can keep track of where the folder lives, set aside mail that looks important and bring copies to appointments. And when your parent comes home from the hospital, the transition goes far more smoothly when the proxy and HIPAA release are already signed and the discharge team can talk freely with the family.
What to do first
- The two powers of attorney, financial and health care. They protect your parent while they're alive, and they're where most families get caught.
- The living will and the HIPAA release.
- A will, and a fresh look at every beneficiary form.
Many states publish free forms, and a simple power of attorney can often be done without a lawyer. Anything involving real estate, a business, a blended family, possible Medicaid planning or doubts about your parent's memory is worth an elder law attorney's time. A geriatric care manager can help you see what's missing.
What it all buys is the ability to act. When the documents are signed and easy to find, the family spends a hard stretch caring for a parent instead of arguing with a bank. If you're also planning the help your parent will need at home, call us or request care.
This article is general information, not legal advice. Laws and forms differ by state, so check your state's requirements or talk with an elder law attorney about your family's situation.
Common questions
Click or tap a question to see the answer.
What legal documents do aging parents need?
Most aging parents need five core documents. A durable power of attorney for finances names someone to handle money and property. A health care proxy, also called a health care power of attorney, names someone to make medical decisions. A living will records wishes about life-sustaining treatment. A HIPAA authorization lets doctors share medical information with named family members. A will directs who inherits property and names an executor. A living trust is optional and worth discussing with an attorney for larger or more complicated estates.
What is the difference between a living will and an advance directive?
Advance directive is an umbrella term, not one specific form. The two most common advance directives are the living will, which records what medical treatment a person does and doesn't want near the end of life, and the health care power of attorney, which names a person to make decisions. Many states combine both in a single advance directive form. New Jersey calls them the instruction directive and the proxy directive.
What is a durable power of attorney?
A power of attorney names a trusted person, called an agent, to act for someone else. A durable power of attorney stays in effect if the person who signed it loses the mental capacity to make decisions, which is usually exactly when the family needs it. Under older rules, a power of attorney ended at incapacity unless it said otherwise. Many states now make powers of attorney durable by default, but the document should still say plainly that it is durable.
How do you get power of attorney for an elderly parent?
Your parent has to sign the power of attorney willingly, while they still have the mental capacity to understand it. Use your state's form or have an elder law attorney prepare one, and sign it with the notary or witnesses your state requires. You can't get power of attorney after a parent has already lost capacity. At that point the usual option is asking a court to appoint a guardian, which is slower, public and more expensive.
What happens if a parent dies without a will?
When someone dies without a will, state law decides who inherits, usually a spouse and children in a fixed order, and a court appoints an administrator to settle the estate. The process is often slower and the result may not match what the parent wanted. Retirement accounts, life insurance and payable-on-death bank accounts still pass to whoever is named on their beneficiary forms, with or without a will.
Do you need a lawyer for a power of attorney or living will?
Not always. Many states publish free advance directive forms, including New Jersey's Department of Health, and simple powers of attorney can often be completed without an attorney. An elder law attorney is worth the cost when there is real estate, a business, a blended family, a possible need for Medicaid planning, or any doubt about a parent's capacity. Forms and signing rules differ by state.
